Sunset.

After two long years of struggle, Hippopotamas is closed for good.

The failure to break into the local celebrity blogger scene and the lack of sponsorship have accelerated the unavoidable closure.

Thanks all for the support and sweet memories.

You may still contact Quitter Tan at tan_pao_wei@hotmail.com.

All the best to my readers.

Happy Bearday

Time doesn't exist. Clocks exist.

And again the clock decided it is time for Bearbear Tan's birthday. It is easy the first 4 times, but this year will be the 5th time Coordinator Tan is celebrating with her. When you have given all kind of food as presents for the past few years it is quickly becoming harder to think of fresh food ideas for present.

Then Coordinator Tan suddenly decided that enough is enough.

When you give a bear a fish, she can only eat for a day. But when you give a bear a bicycle, she can cycle to everywhere to eat.

So Coordinator Tan coordinated help from his usual faithful friends to set on a mission to build a sturdy bicycle fit for the bear.

For a start, Coordinator Tan hired Lecher Wu as his consultant. Lecher Wu started stealing bicycles at a young age, hence he has vast experience under his belt; he specialised in spraying bicycle parts to prevent the owner from finding them back to the required color.

Lecher Wu putting his past experience to good use.

Then Coordinator Tan awarded the project of re-wrapping the bicycle seat to Hairy-hand Wong. As the name suggests, Hairy-Hand Wong has a reputation of slick and hairy hands, especially when in close proximity with girls sleeping in train or in fully-packed bus. Hence, it is no dispute that Hairy-hand Wong has the most skillful hand to re-wrap the seat to the desired color.

Hairy-hand Wong during the seat receiving ceremony. He can't wait to wrap the original black seat to a new color!

After engaging more friends to customise other parts such as basket and pedal etc, the bicycle is finally ready to commission!

Lecher Wu even gave his signature ride to the bicycle nakedly, just like how he used to do that to all his victims.

"Ahhh the good old days.... without the struggle and screamings.."

Lastly, the biggest obstacle was to transport the prized bicycle from the scrapyard to Bearbear Tan's house. But nothing is gonna stop Coordinator Tan.

Not when it involves living his life under the paw of the bear for the next one year.

After reminiscence the good old days with Biker Chan (who has since sold his bike and drive a BangVan now), Coordinator Tan finally managed to convince the retired Biker to transport the re-furbished bicycle to Bearbear Tan's house.

Biker Chan and Lecher Wu loading the bicycle and a box full of food for the bear into the BangVan.

Luckily for Coordinator Tan, the project was commissioned just in time for the Bear's birthday. And once again Coordinator Tan managed to renew his lifespan for one more year, just like a library book having its due date extended.


But only until the bear's next birthday.

Instantly the Bear rode the bicycle in search of food the first day she received it!



Have a project but can't get around to do it? Need help with your big event? Engage Coordinator Tan and his friends now! Contact them at Coordinator_Tan@HOTMALE.COM and receive discounted rates now!

JOHNNIE WORKER

Chinese New Year is a joyful season for all families and friends to gather, catch up and eat Bak Kwa.

But not for Worker Tan.

Instead, he has to sell his time and soul through this festive period and work.

After all, Worker Tan is going to graduate in a few months’ time and he needs to buff up his resume.

With only a prospective 3rd Class Honors, his chances of getting a good job is slim unless he shows off his work experiences.

Prospective employers may take a glimpse at Worker Tan’s resume.

NEA - Environmentalist (Dec'06 - Aug’08)

- Ability to work under hot sun and foul conditions
- Good relationships with Bangalas.

Reason for quitting – Looking for career advancement

Heng Tiong Investment Illegal Limited - Card dealer (Aug’08 – March’09)

- Handled large amount of black money responsibilities
- Excellent threatening skills sales
- Alert, sharp eye for police and fast runner learner

Reason for quitting – Company collapsed due to tip off.



Singapore Turf Club - Sales assistant (April’09 – Present)

- Good threantening persuading skills (esp elderly >55 year old whom has just withdraw their CPF money)
- Good crowd control

Worker Tan eyeing the uncles with their hard earn CPF money and persuade them to open a betting account.

Woker Tan fending off the kiasu uncles from Cai Shen Ye(God of Fortune).

Cai Shen Ye managed to survive the mad rush, and request to take a pic with Worker Tan!

Worker Tan will be available to work full time from June 2011. If you are looking to hire a capable and multi- talented worker to advance your company to greater heights, please do not hesitate to drop an email to worker_tan@HOTMALE.COM requesting for his full resume!

Fish Belly

Blogger Tan attended Methodist school and despite not being a follower, he never doubts the words in the Bible.

Below is one of his many favorite verses in the Holy book:

“But the LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights... And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land”
Jonah 1:17, 2:10.

When called upon to serve God, Jonah chose to run away instead. By running from God, Jonah found himself in the greatest crisis of his life. However, God intervened and ordered the fish (whale) to swallow him up and thus prevent him from drowning.

Today, Blogger Tan believed that the fish is everywhere: in school, workplace, MRT, government policy etc. To get into the belly, one has to work hard and smart.

Last year, Blogger Tan got inspired by the words and managed to devise a strategy called FISH BELLY and had a relatively good 2010. Below are just some of the few techniques in the strategy to help all readers to enter the belly safely for this (Chinese) New Year.

Technique 1: Health
Go running.


Pretend that the snooze button doesn’t exist. Learn to like cold wind. Exhaust smell is your companion. Put your heart before your knees. Make excuses to keep going. Reward a long run with a short run. And reward a short run with a long run.

By following this routine, Blogger Tan managed to complete his second Marathon in 5hr 14min, although still short of his target of <5hours.

Technique 2: Social
Only put one song that you really like in your Ipod. But don’t replay it. Just download the song 1000 times so you will never have to replay it. Offer your Ipod to others whenever possible. You will seem cooler than others.

By following this routine, Blogger Tan manage to make many friends on his Facebook; from 8 friends in January 2010 to 600+ by the end of 2010!



Technique 3: Academics
Start early.


Doesn’t matter if you sleep half the time. Doesn’t matter if you don’t understand. If you stare hard enough at the books, the books will stare back at you.

By following this routine, Blogger Tan managed an all time high of 3.4 GPA!


Technique 4: Finance
Start a Blog. Write nonsense. Utter rubbish. The more you write about nothing, the more audience you got. Just remember to put your bank account number in your post.


By following this routine, Blogger Tan randomly receive money ($219, $7800 etc) in his bank from his anonymous readers, sometimes accompanied with an email stating how pathetic he is and hope the small amount of money helps.

Yearning to have a successful 2011? Dying to follow the success path of Blogger Tan? Transfer any amount to POSB bank saving account 040301755 and drop an email to belly_tan@HOTMALE.com to get the full FISH BELLY version now!

Be prepared to be so overwhelmed with emotion from the techniques that you will cry so hard that you will puke. And then you will be so angry when what happens really sets in and realised life really is just so easy with FISH BELLY!

Pretendence Pain

No one understands Blogger Tan, and he is tired of putting up a strong front.


What he longs for, is just a lunch group to gossip with during break, a clique to hang out after school, or even a show of concern from his friends.

But it seems like he has no one to call as friend, only project-mates chasing his ass for deadlines, acquaintances who don't even know his name saying hi/bye and emails from his FYP Prof to screw him.

While Facebook has made almost everyone’s life fun and fulfilling, it only made Blogger Tan more depressed; it magnifies his boring life.



Seeing all his “friends” on Facebook uploading their oh-so-happening pictures, Blogger Tan could only click 'like' and hope that people might notice his existence and perhaps, perhaps they might be kind enough to post something on his wall or poke him.

But that never happens.

Sometimes his acquaintances would ask why he never uploads pictures and he could only give lame excuses like “oh I am too busy” or “ I couldn’t find my camera cable”.

The truth is that his pictures are as boring as himself. For example, if he were to post pictures of his Christmas celebration , it would be something like this.


Horses and me having helluva time for christmas!




Christmas tree and me, oh I am so larger than life!




Me taking picture with my friend, I am so popular!

Also, few times he commented on other people’s pictures but he couldn’t find his comments again later. Or his friends in Facebook decrease by 2 on average every month. Can someone verified is that a bug in Facebook?

Despite being a loser in real life, Blogger Tan never gives up trying online.

But almost without fail, everytime he logs in to Facebook he will see this.

0 updates

But once in a blue moon, he might see this and that’s when he will jump up and down.

SOME LIFE ON FACEBOOK FINALLY!





Only to find that its just some random blog shop advertisement like
Indian traditional dresses




Indian bride

And Blogger Tan never knows there were such a function call "Event", until last week when he got like 15 invitation!






Only to find out its spam again..


“It’s ok” Blogger Tan thought. Logging in to MSN messenger will be better. And true enough, the moment he logged in, his friends all swamp to him!


HELL YEA

He was so gonna tell them his life stories, only to find out they are

Viruses...

So friends, please, the next time you see Blogger Tan on MSN, talk to him. Or if you log in to Facebook, poke him or write anything on his wall to make his life worth living before 2012 comes.

HELP NEEDED

The recent Wikileak has caused an uproar in the international news. Relationships between countries reached a new low in the midst of all the finger-pointings and many high profile people were among the centre of controversies.

Unfortunately, Blogger Tan was not spared from this strange ordeal; details of Blogger Tan’s personal life were exposed on the Wikileak website as well.

Government spokesman has confirmed that Blogger Tan went missing since the leaks and rescue operations by the special forces are still underway to locate him.


Spastic Special forces

For the unaware, the following were extracted from the Wikileak server on Blogger Tan.

On 13th Dec 2010, 0046hours, Blogger Tan was found strolling around the Nanyang Lake.

Under the cover of darkness, he was actually found fishing with Blogger Chan at Nanyang Lake, illegally.



His comrade caught a 800 gram Patin ,but Blogger Tan only managed to hook a tortoise (estimated 5kg). Instead of letting the poor tortoise go scot-free, Blogger Tan cut the line off, leaving the hook in its mouth.

The cruel act left the tortoise’s life in eternal pain.
Environmentalists bashed that the tortoise will die within 1 week cos’ it will not be able to eat with the hook stucked in its mouth.



Blogger Tan caught committing the inhumane act- cutting the line off.


However, Blogger Tan retaliated that he was left with no choice as the tortoise is too heavy to be lifted out of the water. In addition to that, it keeps hiding its head inside the shell. Nothing could be done to take out the hook.



On another account, Blogger Tan’s blog was found to strive on his readers’ unhealthy addiction. He frequently uses sexual topics to entice his victims/readers to camp by his blog.


Wikileak released the top searches of his blog’s content.

His blog attracts interest in various topics such as "sex Indian hairy", "Indian wearing a turban" etc.

Some weird subjects include " are all indian tan", and "very fair person in need of a tan".


" tan indian sex trade"

Another popular hit on his blog is Felicia Chin, whom readers were directed to his blog by searching on " Felicia Chin nus",

as well as "Felicia Chin armpit" and many other keywords such as Felicia chin legs, felicia chin nude etc.

When contacted on the inappropriate content on his blog (before he went missing), Blogger Tan defended that he is merely discussing on his inner most desire and did not flaunt any law. He added that it is just coincidence that the search engine directed readers to his blog on keywords like sex, hairy, turban, armpit etc.

Another aspect of Blogger Tan's life was also exposed on Wikileaks.

It was reported that despite appearing as a good boyfriend, Blogger Tan actually ikes to force Bearbear Tan to roleplay against her wishes. The following pictures were taken from his laptop (unknowingly) when he sends it for repair.

Blogger Tan forcing Bearbear Tan to act as a deer.

Again, on a separate occasion.

There is allegedly more than 400+ pictures found on his laptop, taken secretly without Bearbear Tan's consent. It includes Bearbear Tan being forced to act as other characters which include hippopotamus and bear.

It is believed that Blogger Tan was kidnapped after his behaviours were exposed by Wikileaks.

Now his family is pleading readers to make donations to pay for the ransom to the kidnappers, as well as to keep this blog going.

Kind-hearted people may transfer money to Blogger Tan's POSB bank 040301755, or email their credit card number to Blogger_tan@HOTMALE.COM

You who?

So where is Blogger Tan?